Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
