So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
