Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
