non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
