I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
