are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My balls are so social today.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize