garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
we have pet lesbian snakes
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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