FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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