is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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