My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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