Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
