If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He is an equal opportunity slut.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Randomize