She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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