the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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