I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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