making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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