I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
