spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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