I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
