she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
