just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
