This is not my ceiling
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
