Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
