New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
