I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
