My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
