ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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