Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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