Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
