Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
