Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
