I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
