made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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