what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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