I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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