dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
