I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
