Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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