Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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