Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
