You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
