Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize