It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
