I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
