you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
