how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
