Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
