Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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