I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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