he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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