he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
