Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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