It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
