This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
