I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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