I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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