Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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