Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The best revenge is premature balding
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
