Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
