dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
