I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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