i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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