Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
